Hollywood Party

I'd just moved back to LA from Detroit in 1995 and was happy to go to be melding back into the city.  I guess it was a typical Hollywood house party, I'm not sure. It was my first since coming back.  I didn't really know anyone, so, I listened in.

Pool.  Twinkling lights of the city.  Full moon. Karoake machine.  Karoake machine?  Maybe it wasn't typical. I hope not.

Guest circulate around the edge of the pool. Smoke from the blazing Barbecuing salmon and free-range chicken mingles with the god awful stink of too trendy yuppoids torching some Cuban stogies.

The refrain of the eve --- "Are you in the business?" It's the opener of nearly every conversation.  A greeting and salutation said without thought almost like a Heil Hitler at a Nazi rally.  It's a reflex not a question.  But no one dares to say no. 

That would be an admission that you stood outside of the gates.

This is a crowd that desperately wants to be "inside the gates."  All the men and women are circulating, meeting and greeting, making connections, assaying the potential benefit of an acquaintance.  Quick calculations are made.  Can help.  Can help a lot.  Stay and talk. Can't do shit.  Move on.

Most of the men wear thin leather jackets, jeans or chinos moc type shoes or sneakers.  They've got longish hair and good manicures. They've got the ability to focus one eye on whomever they're talking to and they can direct the other like a Coast Guard search light looking for another victim.

Most of the women look like a Laura Ashley ad. It's a 60's redux.  Unkempt, rumpled but ready.  Among the natural fabrics is a pair of tight black leather pants.

Stuffed into this cow hide is a tall blond, whose hair also has a slight green tinge.  Her rolled shoulders and turtle out of the shell stretched neck give her a New York club denizen look.  But what people see first are four inch, fluorescent green, fingernails.

One of the male cigar smokers can't resist the urge to have a quick smooze with this strange creature.

                         CIGAR MAN

                    So, are you in the business?

                         NAIL LADY

                    What business is it of yours?

                         CIGAR MAN

                    Just trying to make conversation.  If you                     don't like to talk why do you come to                     parties?

                         NAIL LADY

                    Free food. Free drinks.

He takes a long look at her long nails.  They are wrapped around a high ball glass.

                         CIGAR MAN

                   

                    One question.  How do you wipe your ass                     with those things?

                         NAIL LADY

                    Assholes like you beg to lick it clean.

She holds up her glass in a mock toast.

                         NAIL LADY (CONT.)

                    Cheers.